For my entire online life, I’ve tried to avoid controversy, because, to be honest, it makes me anxious. There’s no other reason. I don’t think controversy is bad. I don’t think it needs to be stopped. I do think some aspects of call-out culture are absurd, but it doesn’t seem to really hurt people (other than their pride). I also have little desire to call people out, because nothing anyone has written or said really makes me that upset.

But I do have controversial thoughts of my own, and I have suppressed them! Like remember when Michael Vick went to prison for running a dog-fighting ring? That was absurd. They’re just dogs. They say pigs are smarter than dogs, and we eat those. And we also hunt animals for sport. And we also force animals to race each other. It’s ridiculously contorted to create one tiny variety of animal cruelty that for some reason is punishable by YEARS in prison, when all the other kinds are perfectly okay.

That’s the kind of scintillating opinion that I’ve kept from the world for all these years.

Or remember when there was the Rachel Dolezal thing? And people were all like how is being trans-black different from being trans-gender? And trans people were all offended and shit? Well I had inklings then that I was trans, but I wasn’t out, so I couldn’t say what I thought, which was…millions of people had to die, get beaten up, lose their jobs, lose their families, to get to the place where the world had to accept that being transgender was a real thing. If a million people did the same for trans-blackness, then we’d probably accept that to. Or, as the famously trans-friendly comedian Dave Chappelle put it in a recent comedy special, “The difference between trans people and Rachel Dolezal is that I believe trans people.”

Yes, I watched three of his recent specials! Two of them had lengthy sets of jokes about trans people. WTF. Kind of makes me wonder if Dave is trans himself. I did admire the artistry of the jokes. He tells bigoted transmisogynistic jokes to an audience of white college-educated people and gets laughs. Not that easy to do. He tells an anti-trans joke about as well as it can be told these days. And in ten years his specials will be unwatchable because of it (they’re almost unwatchable today). What a weird hill for him to choose to die on!

The point is, I’ve got controversial opinions. I think Joe Biden is gonna win the nomination and the presidency. There, I said it. Sometimes this shit happens! I mean, Macron won. Neoliberal centrists win sometimes. I’m still not gonna vote for him in the CA primary though. I will say one thing: that dude’s been in my house. He’s definitely a person who has set foot in my parent’s house, and I was living in it at the time, and that means the future President of the United States has been in my house.

I think those might be all the controversial opinions I have. Michael Vick, Rackel Dolezal, and Joe Biden. Wow, it’s been tough keeping that in.