A note to potential employers: Hire me, I’m delightful

It’s possible that some of you have come to this site because you have recently recieved a resume and/or cover letter bearing my name, and then decided to google me. A cursory reading of this blog might make you be all like, “Well, I don’t want this guy working for me. He will be one of those bores who talks about his ridiculous politics all the time. I don’t need that kind of baggage.” Thus I decided to put all your fears to rest.

I will be an extremely useful addition to your business. I will do a $1.05 worth of output for every $1 you pay me. I will sometimes come to work several minutes early and leave several minutes late. Also, just as an aside, all the time-stamps on this blog got screwed up…I would never post to my blog on company time.

More important, I would also be an extremely relaxing presence in the office. You won’t notice me at all, except for the amusing anecdote or a mildly witty comment once every two weeks. That’s it. The rest of the time all you get is the kind of genial competence and non-abrasive work habits that second-generation immigrants are renowned for. We’re won’t spend fifteen hours a day running a laundromat. But, due to a lifetime of parental pressure, we’re still pretty hard-working and conscientious.

Also, if you hire me, nothing but good things will appear about you in my blog. And if I’m going to use it to libel someone, I’ll make sure that I do it at home, so it’s not linked to your IP address.

I’m also a Democrat. But if you want me to, I can also be a Reagan Democrat. Or a Rockefeller Republican. But I draw the line at becoming a Libertarian. But I’ll vote for whomever you want. Hell, I’ll vote for you, if you want. Seriously.

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